We hear from John and Emma, from North Yorkshire, who have recently set up The Dodgy Walnut; a prostate cancer support group in Harrogate, North Yorkshire for younger men and their partners. Having had their second meeting, we catch up with them to see how things are going.
Can you tell us a little bit about The Dodgy Walnut, and why you wanted to start your own prostate cancer support group?
Many things have been quite serendipitous when it comes to The Dodgy Walnut. We first connected with Tackle at Prosper (Prostate Cancer Peer Support Group for Harrogate), where it was mentioned that we should consider sharing our experience to help others. We then spoke with Molly (Marketing Manager at Tackle), and explained that my wife, Emma and I were frustrated by the average age of men and their partners who were attending the prostate cancer support groups. So she suggested that we could set up our own group targeting the younger population of men and their partners affected by prostate cancer. Coincidentally, at the same time my appointments with my therapist at The Sir Robert Ogden Macmillan Centre (Harrogate Hospital) highlighted my skills and experiences which would make setting up a group for younger men fill a gap in the peer support group network.
After February 2024 (the time I decided to take my head out of the sand) I was a sharer and a joiner! I was telling anybody and everybody who would listen, my experience and join every group, every course, every experience I could find. When attending specific Prostate cancer groups, these were populated by older men and their partners. As a 54 year old (at the time) and recently forced to retire from teaching, my issues were not those of the older population. I was still interested in Sex, drugs and Rock n’ Roll, they were not! I convinced myself that there must be men out there who were suffering from the effects of the treatment as I was, and partners who needed support as Emma did and still does. So with the support of the good people at Tackle, Emma and myself set about creating a Peer Support Group for Young men and their partners who are impacted by prostate cancer.
What can people expect if they want to come along to The Dodgy Walnut’s meetings?
Emma and myself explored numerous venues, realising that this was important to get right to set the vibe / atmosphere for group meetings. What we did not want was a circle of chairs, with absolute silence, waiting on everybody’s word. We wanted a more informal, relaxed meeting where conversations were organic. Where men or partners can just vent their grievances without judgement, where we could be angry at the world, where levels of empathy, an understanding of people’s predicament can be aired. The venue we decided on was closer to home than we thought, Harrogate Sports and Fitness Club.
The staff are really nice, there’s comfy seating, a pleasant family atmosphere where they serve food and drinks late into the evening. There are a number of different rooms available for us to use depending on the size of the group, which gives us the space to expand into in the future, but ultimately we hope the venue allows for people to open up, discuss what is bothering them and get advice from peers who suffer from similar conditions and side effects. We have built up a bank of knowledge from our experiences, from the other peer support groups we are part of, from the expert speakers we have listened to over the past year. A warm welcome to all who attend whether they want to contribute to discussions or listen, just turning up is often the hardest part in my experience.
How have you found the process of setting up The Dodgy Walnut? Have there been and unexpected positives that have come from the experience?
Setting up The Dodgy Walnut was not as onerous task as one might think. Coming up with a catchy name, finding a suitable venue were just a couple of the hurdles we had to overcome. Adam and Molly were invaluable when it came to the media and marketing situation as these were areas we had very little experience of, but once we were up and running everybody was only too generous with their help and time. The free printing by TIG, organised by A. Ashton, was a really serendipitous moment as was the link generated with Harrogate Town AFC. Our confidence in putting ourselves ‘out there’ has grown and approaching people for assistance in raising awareness is now second nature.
How have the last two meetings been? Have you had many people turn up and have they been open in conversations?
We have had three couples turn up to The Dodgy Walnut from Pateley Bridge and North Leeds. Conversations were always open and brutally honest, nothing was off the table and all concerns were dealt with a sympathetic ear and a sprinkling of humour to help ‘take the edge off’. Frustration, anger, and fear of the unknown were always themes running through the topics of conversation.
If someone was interested in coming along to a support group, but were nervous about what to expect; what advice would you give them?
The first step is always the hardest, but everybody present is dealing with similar issues, similar concerns. Although we all own our odyssey and that is unique to us, the areas of concern, challenges which are placed in our path, frustrations which confront us every day are common to us all. We have all found our own unique ways of managing the condition which we have inherited. Openly discussing these topics of conversations often throws up methods we may experiment with as we navigate the hurdles our treatment throws in our way. The members present at all meetings are warm, welcoming, and brutally honest about their condition and do not hold any preconceived judgements when discussing conditions which affect us all.
And finally, if someone was interested in setting up a prostate cancer support group, but were apprehensive about doing so; what advice would you give to them?
Have fun with it! Having cancer, supporting somebody with cancer, going through treatment is awful! Humour is a coping strategy. People will remember a fun name for the group, that will then filter down through the rest of your work as you talk to people, it will strike a chord, it will trigger an emotion. Something which people will remember. Not many people have rejected our advances for help in spreading the word in setting up the group, but by word of mouth, Facebook, Internet, we are becoming known within the cancer community and that inturn will trigger more people struggling in silence to seek peer support from the good people at The Dodgy Walnut.
Find out more about The Dodgy Walnut: https://thedodgywalnut.com/ / https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61570358071102
